Filthy M&M Commercial

Welcome back to commercial deconstruction with me. I'm me, let's begin. In case you haven't seen the commercial, it's the filthy M&M commercial that you should be linked to by clicking on the word commercial. No, not that one, the other one. No, the first one. There we go. I'll wait.

Frankly, I'm shocked that is aired on TV. It implies a brutal sexual murder. How can they show this, and not allow people to swear in commercials? It's a double standard that needs to be stopped. Cannibalism and fetishism can be used to sell chocolate, but swearing is not allowed?

So, the culprit here is obviously the red head. By the way, isn't that profiling? Not all redheads are maniacs, advertisers. I've never been close enough to one to find out. I'm just assuming. But the real matter at hand is what's the fate of the red M&M? We can assume that the red headed woman is dangerous. Brown's friend told her to stay away from her because she would "devour" her. Now there's a chance that she meant it as a euphemism, but that's unlikely. The woman doesn't necessarily seem interested in her gender. She's more interested in the fact that she's made of chocolate. And, we know there's some animosity between Brown and Red, presumably because of Brown's perceived elitism. But does Brown so hate Red that she's going to send him to his very violent and most likely death? Apparently.

But if we're assuming that she's going to eat Red, the next question is just exactly who is Red? Like, what is his standing existentially? He's obviously able to make his own decisions. He's walking talking and thinking. So, does he deserve to be eaten? No. Also, just what does the red headed woman plan on doing with him? Assuming he's made of solid chocolate, that's a lot of chocolate. Does she really plan on eating him all in one sitting? Or is she going to cut off little pieces at a time? Is she going to keep him in her basement and eat him piece by piece? She should be arrested just for thinking about it. She should be arrested just for making me think about it. And the Brown M&M is an accessory. All to sell M&Ms.

"Zack's Night Out."

In case you've been living under a rock for the last few days, internet sensation Jared Smith, has been posting the "Entries" from a certain "Zack's" night "out." There are several disturbing inaccuracies that I, the "Zack" of Zack's Night Out, cannot bare to let go unnoticed. Not to mention the fact that Jared starts the whole thing by calling me his "friend." Would a "friend" expose one of the longest, most horrifying nights of your life, all to chase the rabbit he calls fame? I don't think so. 

If you want to go on living your life as a sheep, believing every word that your master Jared tells you, by all means stop reading here. Good. Nobody left. So, sit around the campfire, kids, and I'll tell you the truth about "Zack's Night Out." 

Jared reveals some of his biases right off the bat. He says that the "Lord of Trash" "made" me his wife. Well, if just so happens that the so called "lord" of trash is whatever the girl version of lord is. The Lady of Trash. So what exactly does Jared have to gain by sensationalizing the story? Hmm? Maybe more viewers? Hmm? Embellish much Jared? And, I was not pulled into the trash can. I went of my own free will. Wake up sheeple. This is classic media agenda, not wanting the TRUTH to come out. 

"Jared" continues in part two to paint Helen and my relationship as a captor-prisoner relationship, when in reality, it was true love. I was not "rescued" by a troupe of feral cats. That's impossible. Helen simply has the ability to transform into a group of cats whenever she wants. So, I guess you could say Helen rescued me from the doldrums of my everyday life. The smelly part was true though. She does live in a dumpster. What do you expect? 

The really troubling part is what follows. I can now confirm that Jared is "trolling" for viewers. Why else would he mention B*g T*to's name. This almost certainly signals the end of Jared's Blog. But, he should know that nobody messes with BT. Nobody talks to him. Nobody looks him in the eye. NOBODY speaks or writes his name. Nobody even thinks about him. Because he will find out. And he will get his broken plunger justice. 

Good Luck Jared. 

May God have mercy on your soul. Or whatever's left of it after B*g T*to's done with it. Yes, your soul. He will obliterate your soul.