Chelsea Peretti

Today on twitter.com, Chelsea Peretti started what she probably thought was a debate. She said "mac and cheese > pizza." This means one of two things. Hopefully, it means that Chelsea Peretti sometimes gets confused about which way means greater than, and which way means less than, or maybe it was a typo. That would mean that I can continue to respect her as a human being and comedian. Unfortunately, based on her conduct after the fact, I have to assume the worst. I have to assume that Chelsea Peretti really does believe that mac and cheese is better than pizza. For the record, from here on when I say "Chelsea Peretti" it's because I don't want to take the time to type out her full title: Former respected comedian, the macaroni and cheese eating communist Chelsea Peretti. 

Now, I'll admit that when I first read this, I was upset. Mac and Cheese is not > Pizza. Mac and Cheese < Pizza. It's not close. The best case scenario for Mac and Cheese is a side dish. Pizza is naturally a main course. Pizza can have any variety of sauces, cheeses, toppings, crusts, etc. Mac and Cheese can have different cheeses or different pastas, and breadcrumbs if you're a sociopath. I'm upset at myself for even considering that she seriously believes that Mac and Cheese > Pizza. Bad pizza is better than bad mac and cheese. It's not close. Good pizza is almost unrivaled. Good mac and cheese is a pleasant surprise. There can only be one explanation for this. 

I understand that Chelsea Peretti enjoys provoking the masses, as she should. Getting upset over something that was said on twitter is roughly equivalent to getting upset over something that someone wrote on a piece of cardboard, set on fire and threw into a lake, or getting upset over a YouTube comment. However, the problem here is much deeper. While it would be ridiculous to get upset over something on twitter, "tweets" can, and should, be seen as signs for help. If I were mumbling things that were clearly insane, like "Dog in the club" or "Mac and Cheese > Pizza" I would hope that if anyone overheard, they would call a doctor. So, I feel it is my obligation as a human being to continue to monitor Chelsea Peretti's "tweets" for medical reasons. 98% of my twitter followers are bots getting me to sexchat, but under the unlikely circumstance that someone who is reading this knows Chelsea Peretti and knows where she is right now, please call an ambulance. Tweeting "Mac and Cheese > Pizza" is one of the early warning signs of a stroke, and time lost is brain lost. 

(If anyone wants to seriously have the Mac and Cheese v Pizza debate as an academic exercise, I will defend pizza until I die.)