Wednesday, April 17, 2013

What's the most dangerous vehicle?

On the popular website twitter.com @edsbs poses the following question: "...what vehicle, with no prior experience, would you kill yourself fastest attempting to pilot?" There is only one answer, and I will tell you what it is. But I will first list the other answers that were suggested, and explain why they are wrong.

Helicopter: A helicopter, like any other flying vehicle, is ludicrous to even consider as an answer. While you would almost assuredly kill yourself trying to pilot a helicopter, it is not the one that would kill you the fastest. It would take you time to figure out how to a) get it off the ground and b) get it high enough off the ground to kill you in a crash, assuming you're strapped in properly.

Dragon: Nice try, but a dragon would be disqualified. The question is "what vehicle would you kill yourself fastest attempting to pilot?" A dragon would kill you before you attempt to pilot it. It would kill you without thinking, and it would enjoy it.

Funny Car: Again, nice try. Funny car and those fast motorcycles are out. Even though it's really fast and phallic, it's still a car. You can drive a car. Unless you were trying to kill yourself, this would not be it. And, if you were trying to kill yourself, a regular car or motorcycle would do just as well. But look for help first. Life's worth living.

Blimp: It's a balloon. Come on.

Submarine: I don't think people understand how vehicles work. They are designed with the idea that the passengers survive. You would not be able to figure out how to use a submarine, and it would be really hard to kill yourself with a submarine.

Tardis: I can't believe these people who are suggesting these things. A) You could not pilot a TARDIS. B) A TARDIS would actually try to keep you alive. It has a brain and a heart and everything.

Jetpack: Finally, a reasonable answer. Let me tell you why the jet pack is the only answer. A) It is easy to operate. B) It would take roughly 4 seconds, depending on the jet pack, to get you high enough to kill you. C) It shoots out fire, and contains fuel. It's basically a poorly made bomb attached to your back. It's a miracle when it doesn't kill you. D) There's no safety system. Can't emphasize this one enough.


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